Excuse me, honey, but my curry tastes funny

Let this be a lesson to all men. If you give your wife a hard time then make sure to cook for yourself.

An irate wife who thought her husband was cheating on her served him up a curry laced with dog poo, a Scottish court has heard.

Given the quality of curries available in the UK where chicken curries are conspicuously absent of any fowl and beef curries are seemingly made from Oxo cubes his suspicion should have been immediately aroused when he found that there was more substance than normal.

Jill Martin plead guilty to charges of reckless conduct relating to the 'special' curry she made for her estranged husband Donald.

Was he estranged before the incident?

When Mr Martin began eating the curry she laughed out loud and told him it was full of arsenic before confessing she'd actually put dog excrement in the curry.

I'd have preferred she stuck with the original story. Arsenic couldn't take down ol' Rasputin so I wouldn't have been worried. Dog poo, though. That's beyond the pale.

Mr Martin's defence lawyer likened the incident to "an episode of Desperate Housewives," the BBC said.

Isn't that an American show? There must be a way to blame George W Bush. "Bush lied. People ate poo." Makes as much sense as the normal way that line is used.

Defence lawyers claimed Mr Martin's constant questioning of his wife's mothering skills had been part of five years of emotional abuse which had a huge impact on her state of mind.

Perchance, was he questioning why the kids' breath smelled so bad?

The court heard the couple's 21-year-marriage "had hit an all time low" in recent years as Mr Martin started a business without his wife's knowledge. She assumed he was cheating on her with another woman.

How many people would start a business without telling their spouse? Seems bizarre. Doesn't mean he's cheating on her...unless he opened a knocking shop.

Mrs Martin was legally barred from the family home and her husband following her initial arrest.

Probably lucky she was legally barred. He would have wanted her to be iron barred.

The judge has deferred sentencing until November, though the couple have since begun divorce proceedings.

The bloke's name is Donald Martin (Don Martin was the name of the famous MAD Magazine cartoonist. Coincidence? Completely). What are his mates going to say to him when he goes to the pub? How's he going to pull a bird when they all know what's been in his mouth?

Regardless of having been fed poo I bet she gets the house and kids. The story bears watching (but not thinking about with too vivid an imagination).